Blawg Review #231

The Vegas Stripper, The Geisha, The ‘Juice’ & The Law

Introduction

3-2-1 . . . Blawg Review . . . this would likely be a more appropriate number, instead of 2-3-1, for the loss of my Blawg Review virginity, especially given that I’m hosting this week’s Blawg Review from Las Vegas at Legally UnBound, (that’s Nevada, not New Mexico). Either way, it is virtually a guaranteed second rate event when one loses their innocence in this manner (following BR legends).

Just in case you weren’t wondering, after today I will command a whopping .4329% of the Blawg Review archives, as opposed to Unsilent partners’ soon to be 4.49% market share. However, I’m on the rise! You should know that my paulty 4200+ word count pales in comparison to the nearly 12,700 words used in the soon to be legendary BR 230. Only a U.S.-British Treaty, set up to “to exchange information, commentary, [and] analysis on interesting legal issues in the US and the UK,” could possibly compare in size, though certainly not in clarity. [I’m trying to lower your expectations of me while kissing a little establishment ass, just in case you haven’t figured that out, yet. How would you like to follow the Colin & the Mike, combined? Ed had it right when he tweets that I was “prolly shittin’” myself after their post last week.] Though somehow I feel strangely related to them, it must be the “Un-“ tendencies.

Why Las Vegas?

I live here. Other than that, though Sin City is not known for its verbosity, it is known for its short catchy phrases, its buffet sign deals and its staged antics, in and out of the casinos. What you may or may not know about Las Vegas is that our persona is much larger than our history, our population, our sq. miles (km) and certainly our legal prowess. In fact, I’d say that Las Vegas has an incredibly narcissistic ego that is only surpassed by this persona which generates the appetite for its own cannibalistic, self-indulgence. In other words, Las Vegas can’t get enough of itself.

So, in keeping with Blawg Review style, ‘themed’ hostings, and given that Las Vegas has zero connection to famous wars (BR 230), to reputable educational institutions (BR 229 & 228) or to public markets (BR 225), I will do what Las Vegas would want me to do . . . blawg about itself.

Las Vegas (Spanish for “the meadows”) is all about one’s choices (good & bad), one’s self-fulfillment, one’s escape, one’s entertainment and one’s anonymity, which translates quite simply into sex, sin & fulfilling our collective desire to keep all our vagaries quiet and in the closet. Not even I use my real name. I’m Kael Garvey (anonymous attorney). If you have read my site, you’d know that my identity must be hid, as I am too deep into the established legal community. That’s why I write, that’s why I’m honest. Back to BR.

As I’ve mentioned, or repeated excessively, Blawg Review will likely find my puerility to be less satisfying than BR 230, with all of their ‘experience,’ their multi-party prose, their mysterious un-silent partnerships amidst obvious knowledge of violent physical exchanges and, of course, their self-proclaimed proclivity for sadistic domination of the Blawg Review populace for the purpose of “convert[ing] the site into a hardcore pornography destination.” Certainly we all know that there is not enough of that on the Internet. Ah, the truth comes out. The reason for my interest in, and linking to, BR 230 . . . the hope that once they go ‘porno’, I’ll get a complimentary link.

In the interim, I hope that Blawg Review will look upon this week’s assessment of the Blawgosphere, via Sin City, with the same tenderness a Danna (Patron) would cast upon his Geisha and allow my de-flowering to be of some value to the OkiYa (Geisha House).

Thus, this week’s blend of blawgs will receive a real life dose of carnality – Las Vegas. So, let’s look at the blawgosphere through Vegas-colored glasses:

A Little Las Vegas History – Religion, Sex, Gambling & The Mob

Ironically, Las Vegas is a Mormon (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints-LDS) Pioneer Settlement that began in 1855. It was established by about 25-30 missionaries sent to the desert by Brigham Young, from Salt Lake City, Utah, in an effort to convert Paiute Indians to their religion. Given the location of a naturally flowing spring in this harsh desert, the Settlement was also intended to be a stop-off point for Western travelers headed to Southern California (pre-Hollywood). If you want a real blast from the past, check out The Assistant-at-Law Texas Lawyer at Law.com, who recalls the days of dictation, before associates typed and before voice recognition software in Dictation: Past, Present and Future.

I don’t know if polygamy would be better legalized and prostitution outlawed. It may be a far less expensive means of satisfying one’s wandering, libidinous attentions for multi-partnerships. Either way, this week we learn at the Religion Clause Blawg in Canada that the Court dismissed charges of polygamy against the FLDS Church (Fundamentalists Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). The dismissal was chalked up to “political interference with the charging process.” That darn Crown Counsel Act getting in the way again.

In 1931, in an effort to overcome the effects of The Great Depression, Nevada legalized gambling and prostitution, I guess since they could not get polygamy back. The subsequent building of the Boulder (Hoover) Dam (1935), the discovery by the Chicago & New York Mobs that profit skimming & money laundering were of great ease in the desert (1940s), and the entrance of Howard Hughes (1960s), took Las Vegas to new heights never before imagined (except maybe by Walt Disney). The successful merger of crime, sin & self-indulgence was a ‘hit’. The Las Vegas ‘psyche’ was formed.

One thing you can’t deny, Vegas is full of innovators. Bob Rosner at Today’s Workplace outlines The Annoying Part About Innovation. It’s worth the quick read. Also in an historical vein a reflection on compromise is given to us this week from John Lassey's Mediation Stuff. Stephanie West Allen at Idealawg questions that a Mediator's behavior may have little to do with the outcome of a mediation, no matter how historical the compromise. If you’d like to know, go and see.

No matter your choice of addiction, if you are unhappy and sex & sin are not your naughty little helper, maybe you should be reading what Gretchen Rubin has to say in her interview about happiness and lawyers, reported on WSJ Blogs. She provides valuable insight at The Happiness Project.

Above the Law always keeps us interested. This week with a very saucy sexual harassment lawsuit, that would likely be thrown out of Court in Las Vegas, its everyday life here. Yeah!! Telling the staff about your 4-some, telling your secretary she has great DSL & that she should join you and your girlfriend (the partner is a girl), is still questionable. Click HERE to get the X-Rated Version of the filed lawsuit.

Opposite World

Las Vegas is quite different than the rest of the world. Sure, that’s obvious to the visitors. But, did you know that Las Vegas’ mayor was a mafia lawyer for casino mobsters, that Las Vegas has a Sin City Chamber of Commerce holding events at the Chicken Ranch, and that Las Vegas got federal financial assistance to build a Mob Museum in the former Federal Post Office Building (via federal legislation to stimulate the economy). You’d think that in this kind of a world the Faculty Lounge would show us a book about Poop Eaters. Oh no, I think they did.

However, some things don’t change (e.g. gambling on discounting your attorneys fees is always a losing bet, even in Vegas). It doesn’t get much better when Charles Fincher of LawComix.com & Charon QC match wits with Fincher giving us the attorney’s fee cartoon of the decade. Then, Above the Law finds a winner to their recent contest that also puns the ever famous attorneys fees issue, in a very humorous picture/caption.

The Stripper & The Geisha

Vegas employs a lot of Strippers (oh uh, I mean Dancers or Entertainers). Do you ever wonder if there are any Strippers Leaving Las Vegas? I wonder if Stripper unemployment is on the rise or drop? At Above the Law’s new feature “Notes from the Breadline”, I dare anyone to STOP reading this lengthy and thoroughly satisfying post.

I know, Las Vegas is no Tokyo or Kyoto, even though I’m trying to give you a sense of some history and mystery. Nevertheless, there are a few similarities that can be drawn between the Las Vegas Stripper and the Tokyo Geisha wherein I’d like to dignify the indignity that is the Las Vegas desert. It may come as a surprise to most of you, but prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas. It is also illegal to set your wife on fire, but some idiots still do that, as Suits and Sentences gives us the update on a guy that performed such a horrible deed.

Prostitution is legal in counties in Nevada that have a population of less than 100,000, providing that there has been an affirmative vote for such by the public. As a result, with a population in excess of 100,000 since the late 1950s, Las Vegas maintains its colorful reputation via the “Las Vegas Stripper”, not to be confused with the “prostitute”. Remember, “Dancing is considered an art…,” according to Tanja Thompson, ACORN Tax Specialist.

Like the Geisha, the Dancer/Entertainers’ income is to be specifically derived from the profession of “dancing” and “entertainment” and is not to include any sort of sexual commerce, intercourse, copulation or other stimulating achievement. Additionally, in Las Vegas the Dancer or Stripper is to be given all of the same grace and social acceptance that was afforded the famed Geisha of old. While outsiders may simply refer to the Stripper as a hooker, a prostitute or a whore, locals know differently. It is well known that the U.S. Occupation of Japan, post WWII, brought about the trivialization and the downgrade of the reputation of the Geisha, given the West’s lack of understanding for the cultural intricacies of her song, her dance and her art. Outsiders! Do not make the same mistake in Las Vegas.

Here you’ll find a picture of my favorite female Dancer (on TV), when Lowering the Bar shows us Dancing with the Indicted.

Luckily, the Las Vegas Stripper is not required to quit her profession once she makes the choice to get married, as was her foreign predecessor. As well, the Las Vegas Stripper has the luxury of demanding her payment terms, aka ohana (お花), hanadai (花代), or "flower fees" (modernly termed ‘tips’), before her artistic performances. Ah, the benefits of liberation from historical oppression.

Counsel to Counsel covers the 50 Best Firms for Women: the Vegas Connection? Shoot, would Vegas be anything other than a rest stop in the desert without our women? I wanna see an article about the 50 Best Strip Clubs for Women to Work At, that would be helpful.

Vegas habitués can likely answer the question raised at the Legal Satyricon by Tatiana von Tauber “Why Fat Chicks are Hot” - I’d wager it has something to do with BREASTS (just sayin’).

In order to further differentiate, let it be known that the closest brothel to Las Vegas is in Pahrump, Nevada. Never heard of it? Me either. What happens in Pahrump, stays in Pahrump. Don’t let Pahrump’s houses of ill repute muddle or otherwise complicate your opinion of Las Vegas. It’s over an hour’s drive from the Las Vegas Strip. Ergo, the “Stripper”, oft self-described “Dancer”, is fulfilling Las Vegas’ demand for “entertainment” in the commonly seen “strip joints” or “strip clubs”.

Weekly attendance at Strip Clubs may be common for some locals, but this Week in Law (written by the talented Denise Howell) is now, well . . . WEEKLY, too — who would’ve bet on THAT?

Las Vegas Legal & The Need For ‘Juice’

Las Vegas has a substantial appetite for ‘Juice’, aka ‘grease’ (as in ‘the wheels’). Juice drives everything in Las Vegas. The need for Juice is what brings The Juice. So, what is the Juice? Juice, or grease, is a commonly referred to colloquialism for kickbacks, tips, profit sharing, payments or other forms of cold hard cash. Whether getting a contract at the casino, changing your zoning designation for land, approving a liquor license, or electing a judge, Juice makes it happen.

You can’t bribe the dealer, but how about the casino itself? Now that sounds like Vegas, when you see “DeLaughter Bribery/Influence Evidence on Aerospace Trade Secret Misappropriation Case” over at the Trade Secrets Blog. Did an employee get the job to influence the Judge, or what? However, it turns out that mediator influence might affect your bargaining gambits just about as much as a lucky rabbit’s foot will influence your dealer to lay you an ace and a jack according to Diane Levin’s The Mediation Channel.

At Las Vegas’ own Wild Wild Law: Legal Antics and Jurisprudence in Nevada, Joseph W. Law, the Legal Eagle and company are usually brief and straight to the point with a good grasp of Las Vegas Legal Gossip. Always a good reprieve from the norm & a solid source of entertainment, JWL reports of Judge Smith’s potential involvement with an alleged scam whereby casinos detain trespassers (or anyone that security nabs) and gets them to pay $500 for counseling (@ United States Justice Associates, very official sounding, but isn’t), in lieu of the casino calling Las Vegas Metro Police. Of course, this includes a $100 kickback to the casino for the referral. Very Vegas . . . Very Extortion

While you may think it a little melodramatic to talk about the Juice, and its usual delivery system the ‘paper bag’, it is no joking matter here. Even the Juice’s own karma wants a piece of the action, demonstrated this year when a jury in The Juice Capital (Las Vegas) received its ultimate prize by convicting The Juice (O.J. Simpson) for his armed robbery, kidnapping, etc. after only 13 hours of deliberation. Of course, the whole thing was on video, no-brainer. The judge sentenced The Juice to 9 to 33 years.

The Juice didn’t help ACORN, though, as criminal charges against ACORN, and employees, were issued in Las Vegas for voter fraud. Why old news about ACORN? Simply because they are helping pimps & ho’s compete with Vegas’ Strippers and Hustlers Ball, formerly known as the ’Pimp n’ Ho’ Ball (a very fun event in Las Vegas), by using under aged, undocumented workers. (See Part I & Part II of ACORN employees helping a posed pimp and his ‘ho’ trying to evade taxes while setting up an illegal brothel for under aged prostitutes from El Salvador). Incidentally, this week Citizen Wells informs us that Nevada’s Senator Harry Reid has refused to allow for the investigation of ACORN. No surprise. Given that Reid’s agenda items will include Health Reform and not ACORN, David Harlow presents an interesting opinion on the subject at the Health Blawg in Health Reform: The Impossible Dream?

Best 2007 Pimp N Ho Ball Video

Judicial Juice

In Las Vegas (as in all Nevada) our District Court judges are elected (Court Hierarchy: Municipal Ct. => Justice Ct. => District Ct. => Supreme Ct. . . . there is no intermediate appeals court in Nevada). The Las Vegas civil/criminal judges are a mixed bag of 25 judges. Obviously they need campaign contributions to survive. In turn, we have Las Vegas’ favorite demand to fill, the ‘Need for Juice’. The winning judges gathered $3,387,937.00 in campaign contributions (that does not include the contributions to challengers, which was quite large). Notably, in a realignment of the judiciary, all 25 judges seats were up for reelection in 2008. Of the 25 seats, only 10 seats were challenged, which means 15 judges went unchallenged, for various reasons, but mainly because they were too ‘juiced’ or they had raised too much money before the election, which translates into them being too ‘juiced’. Imagine what the collective 25 judges could have raised.

Why does this matter? The $3.3 million reflects the amount of pay-back the currently seated judges have to ‘give back’ to their financiers in the form of that all too well known ‘juice’. You see, the campaign contributions are ‘insurance’ that you will get a fair shake in court. What? You have to pay for ‘fairness’, yes. Is that foreign to you? Well, that is just another day in Vegas for the rest of us.

Secrecy

Another thing Vegas Juice breeds: secrecy. This propensity for ‘keeping secrets” allowed Las Vegas to grow in the 1950s as a destination for Southern California getaways, for extramarital affairs and for weekend chicanery. By the 1960s, the art of privacy and the ‘do not disturb’ sign during a secret Vegas rendezvous was set in stone and everyone in town was on board. This included the legal system. If in your ‘good times’ in Vegas you happened to get arrested or witness something that would require your testimony, you needed a little cooperation on getting out of it or at least keeping it quiet. Back then, it just required a little money, a little ‘juice’ and a lot of secrecy.

At E-Commerce & Tech Law Blog the argument is quite opposite claiming that “The Legal Profession [has a] Stake in Openness” . This ‘out loud’ thinking by Thomas O'Toole is refreshingly honest about justice and the legal system.

Today however, it has turned into a badge of notoriety if you are seen in Vegas up to ‘no good’. No one comes here to be unknown anymore, they come here to get known. Oh sure, there is the occasional unknown husband meeting his girlfriend in Vegas when they are involved in a car accident, amidst fellatio (actual case of mine), while driving at an excessive speed during climax. However, not to worry, he is a nat amongst flies. Your risk of discovery is minimal. Incidentally, his wife did not find out, well, until the deposition stage of the case when I called her as a witness. Settlement was prompt thereafter.

Did you know that when you go to a Strip Club, you can ring up a huge bill, all charged on your employer’s Visa/MasterCard/Diner’s Club/Amex, without being found out? The name that shows up on the bill is always something unrelated to stripping, though sometimes is a little too creative, like T & A Dining, Inc. or Your Place For Pie, LLC. You see Las Vegas wants you to be able to lie to your employer, your spouse, those closest to you that read your bills. If you don’t get in trouble for your self indulgences, the hope is that you will return, again and again. It is so acceptable that the city is able to collectively market “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” without criticism. Is there anyone that doesn’t know that phrase?

Gambling Tips OR Gaming Strategies

Who are the happiest lawyers in Vegas? My Shingle tells us its the “gamblers,” i.e., the entrepreneurs betting on their own abilities rather than firm affiliation to make their careers, and their lives, a success at the same time.

Can you patent a betting strategy? I don’t know, but if you can try to patent your golf swing, as discussed by Patently O, maybe you are not far behind when you try to patent your trusty blackjack technique. (the actual TOPIC has something to do with prior art and public accessibility, but we thought the golf swing angle would’ve made the better headline for Dennis Crouch who hardly needs MORE traffic to the best patent blog in the world).

Everyone is Vegas knows that ‘you only win big when you bet big’. Law Information promotes our mantra by reinforcing the reality that Penny Wise and Pound Foolish means “saving costs during contract formation can mean big litigation bills later.” So, don’t give your chips to anyone under 30 as Stephanie West Allen at Idealawg informs us that there is a “dumbest generation”.

Anne Reed at the award-winning jury blawg, Deliberations, ponders what it takes to win the big personal injury pot to the tune of $49 million, I’ll take that bet. One potato, two potato, three potato, four . . . and at ON.POINT we are told of a defectively heated hash brown that, after testing by mom, ends up on a 15 month old’s neck, causing burns. Why does everyone bet that their case will be the next $2.9 million McDonald’s hot coffee verdict, do they forget the change on appeal?

Let it be known, Las Vegas may be king of Stripdom, Detroit is ranked as the 9^th deadliest city in America according Natalie Lombardo, at Michigan Auto Lawyers Blog, where Detroit’s 10 Most Dangerous Intersections are listed.

What does Twitter have to do with Vegas’ primary economic activity? It’s all about how you gamble your time against what marketing folks call ROI – Return on Investment: the blawgosphere heats up again between Kevin O’Keeffe of LexBlog (Twitter for Client Development and Larry Bodine of LawMarketingBlog Internet on Fire about Social Networking.

Wage and hour lawsuits may not BE the winning gamble for Plaintiffs’ lawyers over at Connecticut Employment Law Blog.

Now if they’d only write gambling insurance, then I’d bet the farm. Check out the comprehensive review of “Insurance Basics” over at the Software Licensing Handbook. This is genuinely useful even for lawyers who think they know it ALL.

If you’re betting on wordy contracts, think again and listen to Ken Adams’ post this week: “Representations and Warranties - A Handy 558-Word Analysis.” According to Ken, you shouldn’t double down on ‘redundant synonyms,” as they add “unnecessary words” and leave room “for disgruntled contract part[ies] to attempt to insert unintended meaning into a contract.” I hate it when attorneys “insert unintended meaning” into anything. It should be noted the Ken is not gambling with letting just anyone comment on his Blawg . . . a very controlled environment, much like the house’s maintenance of the ‘odds edge.’

Via the Loree Reinsurance and Arbitration Law Forum, we get a very cited and reasoned opinions when looking at Jackson v. Rent-a-Center West, Inc. and Who Gets to Decide Whether an Arbitration Agreement is Unconscionable when the Parties Clearly and Unmistakably Say the Arbitrators Decide Arbitrability? Either way, it seems like a huge gamble.

Contractually, we also get a buffet of information from Law Information telling us when to stop eating and Just Walk Away from a deal; the primary sign being when the “deal seem[s] too good to be true.”

Self-Indulgence Means: Drugs, Drunk Lawyers & Divorce

The age of the Internet has made self-indulgence much easier to access, though it has added many challenges as the Citizen Media Law Project points out in this recent article about the Lanham Act.

Admittedly, Comprehensive Drug Testing Cases have nothing to do with Las Vegas other than the greatest drunk court appearance in the annals of the law. Volokh

Video of Drunk Lawyer in Department 12 in Las Vegas, Judge Michelle Leavitt.

In looking at the drunk lawyer, I don’t know which is dumber, the reasoning and demands of Judge Michelle Leavitt or the obvious false excuses of the drunk lawyer. You know you’re in trouble when Judge Leavitt asks you to “blow” for the bailiff, especially when you note that the Judge’s ex-husband, prior to divorce, is rumored to have been drug out of several Las Vegas Strip Clubs by her father, Nevada Supreme Court Justice Myron Leavitt. Don’t cross “da family”, the Leavitt Family of Las Vegas, that is.

On that same theme, see Ineffective Assistance of Counsel in action at a public defender blawg where they cite truly atrocious lawyering by a public defender in Virginia. More on that theme at Internet Cases as the show how “MySpace Drinkin’ Photos [are] Causing Real Life Problems Again.”

In Vegas, you can be Black Listed from Casinos. That either means you are a problem or you are too good of a gambler. Beck/Herrmann brings us a piece from Drug and Device Law Blog entitled Total Recall that shows us a recent Georgia appellate case holding that there is no common law duty to recall a product assembling a big ol’ list of all precedent case law on point. Very Handy!

A WHOLE lot has changed in North America since Vegas was the place to divorce one’s spouse; Law is Cool covers an Ontario judge who ordered a physically abused wife to pay her ex $6K/month. I'd like that kind of income. Reno was actually known as the “Divorce Capital of the World”, though Vegas moved in on that popular nuggest. It was a Nevada Law, you know. Nevada now has the highest rate of divorce, that experts have attributed, essentially, to the Stippers and Blow.

Farewell

Well, it has been fun, it has been grand. Remember that no truer words were written, when it comes to Las Vegas, than when it was said of old, “Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.” Party on & keep it in Vegas!!

I heard the Blawg Review Bucket List Tour Hit Beantown. I've got word Ed will be bumping around Las Vegas. Maybe two anonymous Bloggers will meet up . . . who knows?

Blawg Review has information about next week’s host, and instructions on how to get your blawg posts reviewed in upcoming issues.

UPDATE: (9-28-09) Today there is a story that has surfaced out of Florida at Sam Hasler's Law Blog and a few others. It involves the 'sex tapes' of a married couple that is now divorcing. Who has the property rights to the video and pictures? My advice, everyone should make a sex tape, if they plan on getting a divorce. Blackmail or Memorabilia, you choose. This story was too naughty to ignore.

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